My whole life I have been let down. Sometimes it is hard to deal with and it hurts like hell. Feelings of being let down makes me cry. Emotional turmoil I live with is okay. It is part of life. But for all the times I cry I want to make myself realize somehow that this is what I do to others. I hurt them and let them down all the time with my actions and behavior. Although, it seems that way to me, it might not be true. No one in my life has ever said I let them down.
So why is it I continue to let others down when I know damn well that it hurts? If it is true of me that I let people down then this is my insight of why: a) I might be doing it subconsciously because it is a learned behavior and I never really knew I was doing it. b) It is part of my personality and take me as I am. c) I might not be letting people down the way I think they let me down.
Otherwise, who the hell knows why I think I might be letting people down. Maybe I am not doing it at all and it is a figment of my imagination. I do have a wild and very active imagination!
It is true though family, people and friends have seemed to always let me down. One way or another.
My mother always said, “…you are too damn sensitive…”
I finally am able to voice my opinion to her, “Mom, there is nothing wrong with being sensitive.”
Maybe, just maybe, I am too hard on myself and need to give myself a break for once in my life.
All of this has come about because I feel I have let you, my readers down by not writing and posting on a daily basis. I really do want to be a faithful writer.
If I don’t write often enough I turn into this wickedly evil sarcastic hateful angry emotional schizophrenic baffled maniacal animal who lives in the forest and will eat your brains and liver for breakfast along with a nice hot cuppa-tea and peanut butter toast.
So what is it that makes me stop writing if that is the monster I turn into? I have no answer for this question. I need to analyze my thoughts and speak privately to one of many me’s and find out just what is going on here.
Sleep, I need sleep! Mentally exhausted this evening.
Thanks for reading One Of Many Me’s.
